Alone and Broken

February 23, 2015  •  Leave a Comment

 

Alone and Broken.... we have all felt that way at least once in our lives. I have throughout my life but never more so than the moment after my Mom passed away, I sat holding her hand for hours by myself as well as with family and I felt so utterly alone. Even when my friends or family were around me, I still felt alone. I was present but not "there" if that makes sense? I missed out on a lot that first year, some of which I regret and some I don't. I threw myself into my work, going back to work about 3 weeks later and not stopping for about 9 months, 16 hours plus a day, anything to keep my mind busy and off of this huge ache I had in my heart.
 
I pushed everyone away, I wanted to be by myself and just shut the world out. I felt broken and lost without my Mom. Some of you may think that sounds silly, but it was and still is true. When I say my Mom was my best friend she truly was, I could tell her anything and know that there would be no judgement just unconditional love and support. We laughed together, cried together, even went food shopping together. When she died, a piece of me died as well and it took me some time to accept that.... to accept that I would never be the woman I was before and you know what?! That is ok..... I am who I am because of her and also because of losing her and I am proud of that. I may not be super happy and bubbly all the time, most times I'm not,  I have been referred to as dark and twisty and I love it, lol. I see a lot of dark in my world, but I also see so much light and beauty in that darkness. 
 
I often wonder what my Mom would think if she saw my work, maybe she would say you need to be happier, you need to see more colour in your life, but then again I also think she would love it because each image is a part of me <3
 
Nikki xoxo

Comments

No comments posted.
Loading...

Archive
January February (1) March April May June July August September October November (2) December
January February March April May June July August September (1) October November (1) December
January (2) February (1) March April May June (5) July (2) August September October November December
January (4) February (3) March (6) April (3) May June July August (1) September October November (1) December
January February March April May (3) June (3) July (3) August September October (1) November December