Denial

March 11, 2015  •  Leave a Comment

Denial.... it is another big thing I struggled with after losing my Mom, actually I think it started the second she told me she had a brain tumour. June 5th it will be 4 years since she passed away and I still have not fully accepted that she is gone. Do I think I ever will?! No, and I don't really know why. I still find myself not believing she isn't here, there are still some mornings where I wake up, pick up the phone to call her. On my birthday she was the first one to call me in the morning and wish me a happy birthday, and I still expect that every year, it's sounds strange I know, but for some reason I can't fully wrap my mind around the fact that she is gone, and that too is ok.
 
I remember after Mom told me she had a brain tumour and I hung up the phone, I started to shake my head, saying "no, no,no" over and over again. After she passed away, I literally refused to believe that she wasn't here, I fully expected to get up and go to the hospital, or sleep there like I had for the 3 days prior to her passing. When I go and visit her now, I sit down on the marble bench..... and stare at her name carved in the stone and bawl every time, it is like it hits me all over again, seeing it written in stone.....
 
I thought of this image, and I instantly thought it should be called denial. I wasn't sure how I was going to accomplish it, because I specifically wanted my face in focus in 3 different spots, and in motion in between them, well after a good amount of photos and many hours of editing, I made it happen and I love it. It may actually be one of my favourite images in the series.
 
I was originally going to have 10 images in this series, but it seems like there may be more. I have photographed the last image in the series, but I can't edit it yet, not until the rest are done. I have some amazing ideas and plans in the works for these images as well, and will share it with you when the time is right.
 
Thank you so much for all the amazing comments, likes and messages. I can't explain how much they all mean to me <3
 
Nikki xoxo

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