Tears!!

March 03, 2016  •  Leave a Comment

Tears

 

The past few months have been very difficult, so many bad things happening and I was so incredibly overwhelmed, stressed, anxious and exhausted! Many of you know that I suffer from depression, it has been a struggle for over 10 years now, most of the time I can bounce back pretty quickly, but not this time.....This time, it was big, it was dark and it was ugly. 


I just wanted to curl up into a ball, cry and hide away until I felt better, but I knew I couldn't do that. I have two amazing kids that need me and I have a wonderful husband that needs me, so for them I got up every day and did what I could do to just function, not for me but for them!
Last week it got bad, I mean really really bad, and I Thank God for having amazing friends that helped me through all of it and for giving me the strength to pull myself up again.


On Wed, I was sitting and listening to music, which always inspires me and thought about the past few months, and I decided that I needed to create a series on depression and my struggles throughout it. 


You may wonder why?! Why created images that will be sad and painful?! Well, for me!! I know that it will help me to crawl out of this deep hole I am in. I also create my best work when it something personal to me, something I may be going through or had been through in the past. And also, I think that depression needs to be talked about more, it isn't something you should be ashamed of, you are not alone!! And even though some days you just want to give up, you don't because you've got this, you are strong enough to get through this, it may not seem like it but you are!! <3


So with that being said, here is image # 1 simply called "Tears"


One of the biggest struggles I have is just being sad, heartbroken in emotional pain and for me, there are so many tears, some days I feel as though my heart is literally breaking as memories of my Mom float into my head, or if I think about what ifs. But after I cry, I feel in a way cleansed if that makes sense?! Like I just washed out some of those painful memories.....


This was not easy to take, I had to go to go back to when my Mom was in the hospital, holding her hand and listening to every laboured breath she took, but I also wanted this to be real, I wanted the pain on my face to show as I went back to that, I wanted real tears running down my face, I wanted pure raw emotion. 


I look forward to sharing more from my series, and from my personal experience with depression and hopefully how this series is helping me heal and maybe it will help someone out there as well!


Nikki xoxo 

 

 


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