Exposed

June 03, 2017  •  1 Comment


This was a tough image to create, holding the position with my head under the water was hard, editing was hard, but also the emotion behind this has been the hardest. 

June 5th is coming up, it’s Monday….it is the day that my Mom passed away. 6 years ago, she left us and my life was forever changed, I am a completely different person then I was when she was here, and I have come to accept that and I am learning to love this new me too. 
Starting in April things start to get very difficult for me, I remember every moment and struggle she went through, as June approaches that just get worse, and my depression goes into full swing. For anyone that has struggled with depression you will know what I am talking about, you have your great days or even weeks and then BAM one day you are in a very dark place and you are trying to claw your way out of it. 


When I get into this place and I remember those last moments with my Mom, I feel like I am drowning, it’s hard to breathe or catch my breath, my heart aches…..it literally feels like it’s breaking, it hurts so bad which just makes the breathing harder to do. That is what this image is about…
I am exposing every single bit of me here, my skin yes but my emotion too, this is how it feels in those moments like you are underwater and you can’t get out, you try but you can’t!


There are no words to describe how the loss of my Mom affected me, how it changed me so I do it through my work. When I create my art, there are a lot of dark images, and you may wonder why….well, it’s just who I am, this is how I get out of my dark hole, I create what I am feeling and it’s like a release. I create beautiful images to the eye like “A Storm is Coming “but to me images like “Exposed”, “Cracked” and “Tangled” are equally as beautiful, they are darker, yes, but none the less they are beautiful because they are still a part of me, they are still my heart and soul. 

There will be a whole series in my tub, so you can look forward to that in the near future!

Thank you so much,

Nikki xoxoxo

 


Comments

1.Linda K Eshom(non-registered)
You do such a good job at displaying your heart and your feelings through your photography Nikki. I cried reading this because I too feel like this a lot as I deal with the loss of Kevin. I have a lot more good days now than I used to, but there are still days that I feel like this. Even though I am a photographer too, I manage my depression and hurt through written works. Thank you for sharing this. HUGS
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