June 5th has come and gone for another year. As always, I was bracing myself for a long day of crying and not eating, but to my surprise, the day was better than I could have ever thought. I actually smiled and laughed, cooked dinner like I normally do, not just grabbing a frozen pizza because I was too sad to do anything else. I felt guilty at first, because well I was so used to be so upset on my Mom’s anniversary, but then I felt happy because I know in my heart that is what my Mom would want, she just wants me to smile, laugh and have joy in my life again.
On Saturday, I thought of this image, and in my mind, it was much darker in both the look of it and the emotion of it, but when I sat down to work on it yesterday I had this feeling come over me that the sky needed to be lighting and warmer, so that is what I did.
For me I feel like I am constantly surrounded or veiled in darkness, losing a loved one will do that to you, so will depression and anxiety, that was my thought behind this piece. The dress and veil moving around me are my darkness, but all around me is light and beauty, and it’s starting to grow larger and brighter and it’s starting to cover my darkness. This image is all about internal and external light, I feel like my light within is dimmed, but it wants to shine brightly again, just like the sunset that is surrounding me in this image.
This is the 3rd image in a series of 10 that I am creating, which is all about light. This is a series that I feel I need to do, I don’t know why but I just know it needs to be done, maybe it’s just another part of my healing process.
I do know one thing, my art brings me joy, it makes the light in me shine brighter, I know in my heart and head that it’s what I am meant to do.
I hate that I discovered my art the way I did, losing my Mom, and I would give it up in a heartbeat if it meant I could have her back, but that is not possible, so I am grateful that I have it to help me in my journey here without her. Each image has a small piece of her in it, she is my inspiration behind ever image that I create and that makes it even more special to me.